I love Relevant. This article got me thinking about my own friendships.
At some point you see how really bad some of us are at supporting each other when things get rough. Not that make the friendships (or people) any less, but just because that's how it is. The first time or two it really hurts - BAD. But it's the whole picture you have to look at, and eventually love, because you're just as screwed up in your own endearing way. I have learned that within my circle of friends there are certain people to turn to for comfort, others for advice, and some to give me the kick in the ass that I need from time-to-time. Not that I don't keep them all informed, I just don't take it personally when they don't call back right away, or the day after.
But let me take a moment to point out that there is a difference between a friend and an acquaintance. An acquaintance would be someone you know, as in you recognize them and a couple of facts pertaining to them, but who you don't actually know. There IS a difference. Some of you in certain cities are still just figuring this out.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
friendships
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4 comments:
i understand exactly what you are going through. i too have had to re-evaluate my relationships with others and decide where they are in my circle. i have developed a bit of a multi-level circle theory as it pertains to friendship. as well as, a "there's a time for every season under heaven" theory.
the circle theory is just the realization that i have a deep inner circle of friends that sometimes know my thoughts even before i say them, a greater circle outside of that that includes kindred spirits that, due to a variety of circumstances, will never be in my very inner circle, and yet we connect deeply and on multiple levels. then there's my, "people i'll ask to pray for me circle". they're those people that i may not be exceptionally close to, or see all that often, but i still trust and can talk to about most things. and the classifications could go on and on ad infinitum.
then there are the "seasonal" friends, as it were. these are those that may have been in my 2nd tier of friends at some point, but for whatever reason, whether it be, distance, events in their lives or my life that have swallowed the time we used to have, or any combination of circumstances that neither i nor they could control, we have drifted apart.
the lesson God had to teach me in those relationships is that it doesn't make them any worse of a friend, simply because they couldn't be there when i may have needed someone the most. i had to learn to accept that God may not have intended for the relationship to be that way.
by the same token, i have had to learn to accept God's grace and forgiveness when i haven't always been there for everyone. and this is mostly because i cannot allow myself to burn out.
i realize it sucks, i know it all too well. unfortunately, this is a product of living in a fallen world.
we are all human, we all make mistakes, we all fall short.
i wish i was more perfect, a better friend, a more excellent leader. the sad truth is, i will never attain such exceptionalism as long as i walk this planet and i have to daily throw myself on the grace, mercy and forgiveness of both God and those i am closest to. i'm a miserable screw up. i know that. and i beg your forgiveness for my failure to be a better friend to you.
but know this, even if i may not have opportunity to phone or write, you are and always will be in my prayers and, i will always love you dearly.
Living hours/days/states away from your closest friends has its definite downsides. It's when the friends who are in walking distance flake out that stings a little harder. Or lonelier.
I think my inner circle has more to do with how I value those friends than how often we're able to communicate directly with each other. The people (who happen to all be women) who know me in ways that most don't or can't. You're still in, btw.
We all suck at relationships at some point or another I guess. That's what makes them real you think?
i agree wholeheartedly, 100%! while it would be "heaven" for us to be perfect and always there for one another, unfortunately, we're not "there" yet.
what i find most fascinating is this: is it possible that we are never closer to the character of Christ than when we forgive them that "know not what they do" (or not do, as the case may be) with, and this is the really hard part, an unconditional love (i.e. we do not grudge against them or speak ill of them)?
i still struggle with this on an all too regular basis. even as recently as last night someone i am very close to and respect did something very hurtful. whether it was intentional or simply out of ignorance, i do not know. the fact is it still hurt, either way.
the second thing i find fascinating in all of this is how, once again, i find myself experiencing similar situations and life lessons as those i walked with during my nashville years.
there's something to be said about kindred spirits and how we can bring each other to the Fountain when we're all in desperate need of a drink, or a cleansing, or even just a refreshing dip. knowing that we're not going through it alone does bring a certain level of solace to the situation.
and thanks for loving me unconditionally!
you're an amazing, beautiful woman of God whose outer beauty is only outshined by the inner beauty of your spirit and soul.
Thanks sweetheart! You're just amazing. It's crazy that we became closer friends after both of us left.
You know that thing they say about "the one"? That you don't meet someone until you stop looking. Well, I think the same applies to friendship relationships. While there are times when you have to work at it, there are also times where if you just let go, the relationship will grow in a better way than you had wanted. (recent and past personal experience talking)
I read something about joy and sorrow mentioned together in the scriptures. Nearly every time I think. I suppose it's because we have to know one to appreciate the other.
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