pushing through

Starting with the most recent events . . .

If you've been reading any of the recent posts, you know that I've been trying to beat a nasty little cold virus over the last week. I have a project due tomorrow, and being sick cut into my work time considerably. So this weekend I'm feeling better and make up for lost hours, although not completely out of the cold. Enter mega-migraine. My once EMT father proposed that could have been triggered by sudden drop in pain relievers that I'd been taking for the cold symptoms. That makes sense. I'd be asleep right now, but the caffeine from the med cocktail taken for the migraine has me up and wired (side note: caffeine has been found to boost the effects of pain relievers). So I worked some more on the project. I have no idea if I'll be able to finish with the original plan before tomorrow, but doing what I could tonight has actually made me feel better. Something about my wiring and the fact that doing something creative tends to make me feel better. The "ice pick in my skull" is still there, but less forceful. Oh, and I'd be doing more on the project right now, but it's in the drying stage, so I can't.

How do I start what I'm going to say next? For a little over two years now, I've come to find that I had been suffering from depression. Mild, but depression none the less. I knew something wasn't right, but I wasn't sure what. I figured whatever it was, it was just something to get over. I wasn't having trouble getting out of bed, my friends and family thought things were fine, but I wasn't. Then over the last few months I started coming across article after article about people going through alarmingly similar symptoms. I wasn't looking for these, but it got to the point were I couldn't escape them. So, I sought counsel, did some research, and started on a very mild medication. It was like a light coming on. The anxiety dissipated, the depression lifted, and I had the drive to do the things that I loved again. Oh, and I also survived the final weeks before my Exit. Not that it was all a piece of cake. I still had to face what drove me there in the first place, and the choices that I had made over the last two years. There are things that I wish I hadn't done, but I did, and that can't be changed.

So the important thing is to push through, because it won't be easy, but it will get better.