so many things

my pastor has been preaching a lot on running on empty, filling our lives with to many things, too many commitments. to be honest it's a struggle for me right now. sometimes I feel like I'm ten feet under the waves fighting to get a breath. my job is great, but working full time at the University and working on bringing my art to full time is a lot of very hard work. I know that it would be when I decided to go for this, but it isn't any easier. so some days I come home and just want to collapse on the floor. but I can't just do that. even though I'm going back to Nashville in less than a year, even though my circle of friends here has diminished substantially (this is a very transient town), I still want to give this place and the people that I love the time and attention that they deserve. it's my hometown after all, even though it feels less like home every day.

I don't know what is going to happen when I do move. if I have to get a desk job, even for a while, I'll do it. even if no one ever hears a song I write, or falls in love with any of my work, I'll still do it. it's just part of who I am and I'm a mess when it's not a part of my day-to-day. art is something I do, and music is like breathing. they've been there as far back as I can remember. no idea why piano recitals had me in tears the night before as a child and singing was so much fun, but that's how it always was.

for now I'm working and fighting as hard as I can to make these things happen. if one of my friends needs to talk, then the torch and the palette can wait. plus I can usually be found online during office hours.