six months

it’s astounding how much or little can change in six months. for me, there’s been alot of change. so much so in fact, that sometimes I don’t recognize myself. it’s only for a moment of course, but it’s true. I was so afraid, so anxious all the time. not so much now. after my grandmother died I finally forgave myself for some things. I’d asked God for forgiveness, asked other people for their forgiveness, but never considered forgiving myself. then one night I finally did. and then I changed a little bit. just a shift, which wouldn’t seem like much, but sometimes that half-step changes the entire piece.

(thud)

is the sound of my bag hitting the floor.

it’s been busy this week! busy is good . . . busy means that time goes quickly . . . busy also means that I have a list of people I need to call back in my free time.

it’s funny to think that this time last year I was working on my Exit show, trying NOT to have a nervous breakdown. that weekend was insane.

I’m trying to get little things ready for the Craft Fix this weekend at COTN . . . hopefully it will be the start of some new things for the women at the church. if enough people are interested, we can start offering some topical Art classes or workshops. this summer I want to try out a more open study format for Radiant Women. one of the books that I would love to offer doesn’t seem like it would work as well for a weekly study as it would for a monthly or three-week study. but it’s a great book, and I think it would be really helpful for some of the younger women. plus, it’s summer . . . who wants to have your weeks booked solid in the summer?? summer in Georgia usually leaves me inclined to find the coolest cave possible and stay there until it’s over . . .

tired

yesterday was the funeral for someone I used to know. she was this wonderful, beautiful woman named Kari who was married to a friend who I’ve know for about as long as I can remember. her death was sudden, and during sleep. she took with her their unborn child as well. as sad and horrible as this might seem to some, she is Home. Kari had these awful seizures, and it was one of those that sent her spirit to Heaven last week. we were all together at the Women’s conference the night before, and it wasn’t until noon the following day that most of us found out. not everyone took it well, or at least at first. I’m not going to go into some of what happened later that day . . . I’m still trying to understand it myself. the leadership of the conference dedicated the last service to her. it was beautiful, full of dancing and worship, just like her.

life keeps going. we said goodbye to two women over the last seven days . . . my aunt and my friend are with the Father.

it’s been a long week, and I’m so tired . . .

the conference

last thursday I left my house a little before 5am (yeah) to head up to Fort Mill, SC for the MorningStar “Women in the Kingdom” conference. it was wonderful. truly awesome. and, as I found out later, it was put together by women who “don’t really like women’s ministries and don’t even really like women.” which makes total sense to me. until recently, most of my friends were guys. I didn’t grow up with any sisters, so I just don’t get that whole thing. and the “typical” female behaviors used to drive me up the wall. all this makes it seem strange I guess that I volunteered to lead a women’s group, right? yeah, I wasn’t asked, I asked them. but I guess maybe that’s why it works, because some of us are tired of the cute (nothing wrong with cute), and want something that’s different. something where we can dig in and say “that snake is MINE, hand me my hoe” and hack the thing to pieces.

anyway, it was a great conference and I feel like I learned alot. not to mention faced some things that I had allowed to stop me from go after things in my life. still it makes me wonder . . . why havn’t some of the others who have been going up there for other conferences brought back the knowledge and skills to pour back into the church here. that baffles me.