this would fall under public diary?

I remember the first time I started to fall in love with someone. Now, I won't say that I was actually in love, because it was never really mutual, and we never dated or even kissed. He was attracted to me, and I liked him, but that was about as far as it got. One of my girlfriends saw it though. "You're falling in love." And then another told me that he wasn't good enough. It was at a stop on the move up to Nashville, and I was furious. But she was right, and I got over it. I wonder sometimes if he's still trying to get a music career going.

I'm not ever sure why I'm writing this, but it feels like I need to.

I was so angry with my ex-boyfriend. The way he ended things was just so cowardly, and sudden. Now, however, I'm not angry. His best friend stopped by the other day to see me (we were friends before Mike), and apparently Mike never told him any of what happened. Any time Mike's friends would ask him about me he'd just say, "I don't know." It's so strange. And honestly, I'm glad it's over. Spending that much time with someone you're just not crazy about isn't worth it. Hey . . . you live, you learn.

And speaking of learning, I can't, CAN'T afford a serious relationship right now. Even though I love men, love kissing, love dating, I have got to focus on this show. Distractions in the way of flirts are lovely, but someone calling me wanting to take me out every other night is too much. Way too much. One of the girlfriends suggested an out-of-towner, but then how do you get to know him? I used to be able to talk on the phone for hours, but now that just drives me a little crazy. I guess I'm visual like that, go figure. Or it's just in the back of my mind that I'd rather be talking face to face, or side by side, or whatever. I wish all the girls were in the same city, although I don't think anywhere could handle it. We'd have the best bodies in town though - abs from all the laughing (yes, I've laughed so hard with them before that we were sore for DAYS), and the rest from all of the dancing and club trekking we end up doing together. After-parties, after-the-after-party house parties, and crawling into bed after sunrise. I miss that it was time with the girls though. We had such as blast being single, and our guy friends took such good care of us.

Best wishes with the relationships sweethearts . . .

Mer